Third, renegotiating agreements that you may not be able to respect: familiarizing with colleagues can lead to tacit assumptions that they do not object to you launching a deadline or providing only part of what you have promised. This is an imaginary and tacit agreement that may not be true at all. If you have to break a deal, you renegotiate first with all the players involved and have enough time for everyone to adapt again. Then move forward in good faith. First, as a speaker, ask your listeners, “What have you heard” or “What are you going to do with this conversation?” When an agreement is reached, you ask, “Who is going to do what until when?” Another way to ask is “what steps are you going to take as a result of this meeting?” If you feel discomfort or tension, you give your listeners permission to give honest feedback. You might also ask, “Is there anything you want to tell me that I don`t want to hear?” or “Are there elephants in the room that we need to talk about?” The reward of an organization that practices active listening and speaking around chords is very lively. A team synchronized with all members is a team capable of working with optimal strength. Communication breakdowns in agreements are so frequent that one would expect it. I do not think it is due to an erroneous attempt to understand or be understood. Most people desperately want to be understood even more than they want to agree. It is not wise to communicate halfway. Unfortunately, there are a whole range of social and cultural mechanisms that allow us to leave messages in the air, such as implicit or non.B agreements.
Society regulates words and how they are used, sometimes to promote good manners, and sometimes only to facilitate daily use. I sometimes call it “the hypnosis of youth,” the things we learn early on, that become our opinion on how the world should work and how to play the game of life. And that is the beginning of the agreements that we are beginning to conclude with ourselves. In the workplace, this “preloaded” bias affects daily life. For example, when we have team meetings and we discuss tasks and actions, we do our best to understand what has been said and move forward with what we have agreed. In the sense of “establishment” there are some good practices for listening and speaking, to conclude clear and achievable agreements for all parties involved. I train in my own organization and advise my clients to do the same in all their interactions. An agreement is essentially a pact between two or more parties. Of course, you can always make a pact with yourself, but for now, we are talking more about social agreements. In an agreement, both sides promise to act in a particular way. People agree if all parties involved believe that particular behaviour would achieve a common goal.
Unspoken and poorly communicated agreements are like small time-delay bombs that can leave at any time. And the more we do not practice good communication as spokespersons and listeners, the more we produce these little time-delay bombs that will explode if we least expect and cause enormous chaos.